You know me.
‘”All rise for the honarable Judge…”
Have you ever heard that in real life? This week marked a bunch of firsts for me, personally and professionally, and included in that was a visit to the Municipal Court downtown. I was going in support of a young person I work with. All I had was the address, the floor, and court room number to guide my way. I found the room and quietly entered, sat down in the back and took in all that was going on. They were running late, and so I listened in on many conversations as they began to navigate the cases for the day.
And then it began.
All of a sudden, I found myself listening to the cases of anonymous people – my only knowledge of those men and women were their case number and what they had done in the past and the consequences that they were trying to escape for the actions they had committed. It was weird because it was so impersonal, and I am not used to being in an environment where people are that anonymous.
So they came and went and I sat and listened and caught on quickly to the natural eb and flow of the court room procedures. And I’m listening and observing from a very objective, outside perspective with little to no heart-strings attached, gathering information and processing it in a very calculated, cold way, when all of a sudden, it changed for me.
The young man that I have grown to know and love is escorted in.
Clothed in jail scrubs, sandwiched between two officers, and handcuffed behind his back, I watched as the young man became a case number in that space to the many who didn’t him outside of that room.
And I sat there, so upset and frustrated because I know this young man and I know that what I see is not who he is. He is lovable, and funny, and intelligent, and overwhelmed at times, and a deep thinker, and very capable, and a beautiful child of God who is dearly loved by Him and by our community.
But no one else in the room sees that at this moment. Well, at least I don’t think so. In a room full of case numbers and violations and law jargon, there’s little room for knowing another. I wanted to declare then and there — “Those clothes are NOT who you are, those handcuffs are NOT who you are. I KNOW you, I have seen the true you, the you that you were and are created to be – I see glimpses of that everytime I have a conversation with you and who you are is beautiful and redeemed and glorious. Because this is who God says you are!”
I wonder how many times I fail to acknowledge how God sees me. How often I define myself by failures, by sin, by inadequacy, by insecurity. I wonder how often I see others by what they have done, the good or the bad. I wonder how many times I see people differently than how God sees us.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139
Praise God for his faithfulness and redemption. Praise God for his son Jesus, for sacrificing himself to redeem and reconcile us to our Creator – the Author and Life-Giver whose definition of us is right and true.
Feeling insecure? Rest in who God says you are.
Prematurely judging others? Choose to see them as God has created them.
To not take a risk and see people for who they truly are is to risk missing out on glimpes of God and the glory that is yet to come.
Update: Life at New Horizons.
*If you are supporting me financially, hopefully you have received this letter in the mail! I do realize that support has come in many different ways, so here it is for you to see. Thank you for friendship in this season.
Dear Friends and Family,
Hello! I do hope that this letter finds you doing well, and I also hope you are ready for some updates. This month marks 6 months at New Horizons…I am halfway done! Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me. I feel like I’m learning so much about Jesus, people and myself in this crazy whirlwind experience. I wanted to update you on some highlights of my time here. Let’s see…
Mentorship Program
When I signed on to work at New Horizons, the Mentorship Program was originally my main project. While we are taking a break from this program right now to focus on some other aspects of the ministry, I had the pleasure of working with 5 amazing youth for 2 months at the end of 2011. We started off with 5 highly motivated youth who worked well together and were able to build off of one another to create for an awesome group-dynamic. Halfway through, 3 youth left for other programs, leaving us with 2 guys to complete the program…and they did! The smaller group allowed for more in-depth conversation, and more intentional one on one time and case management. Currently, these two are in the process of completing some of their goals, including housing and employment.
We had a graduation celebration for these two youth, in which all of the staff stopped their work day for 2 hours and we got to share a meal, and speak truth into these youths’ lives about what they meant to us, to our community and what we see in them as children of God. At the end of those two months, I had grown to deeply love these two youth – they have become brothers to me. We shared life together – the painful realities of past and present circumstances, the highest of joys from work opportunities to new relationships, and everything in between. I learned so much from that experience, I could go on and on. One thing I did learn is to never hold back love because you know an experience will end. You have no idea how much or little time you will have with someone. Love hard, love well – even if you know the time you have with someone is short. I still see these two youth, and while the time I have with them looks different on a week to week basis, I am grateful for all the time we did get to spend together, and that has set a foundation for a friendship that I am hopeful will last a very long time.
Community Relationships
One of the biggest blessings of working at New Horizons has been to be a part of the community here. I have been hurt by community in the past, and oftentimes that can be a very painful thing to endure. We all want to be known, liked and accepted – right? So when we feel like an outsider and an unwanted part of a community, it hurts because it feels like the very core of who we are is being rejected. But the community at New Horizons is healing the parts of my heart that have been burned in the past. Right from the get-go, I have felt wanted and accepted. And I have been healed by this community in many ways – in the personal friendships I am a part of, and in the personal investments that are being made in me – but also in the way that I see each part of the community being treated. Our community is made up of paid staff, volunteers, donors, youth, and a Board of Directors. The way that those different parts of our community interact with each other is truly beautiful. When we have staff meetings, when we are in Drop-In, when we have staff meetings…there is no hierarchy, there is no voice that is more important than another. If you are part of this community, you are treated with importance, worth and dignity. And the things that I am learning about community and what it looks like and how to live that out is something I pray I will always hold in such high regard, and as I move on from this place, I will take with me wherever I go.
Things I am learning about myself
So in the midst of being a part of this community, there are things that I am learning about myself. I am learning that I have a voice…a voice that needs to be articulated, refined and shared. Not only is it beneficial for me to share the voice that God has given me, but in order to be a part of a community, I need to be sharing my thoughts and ideas because I need to contribute. I am also learning about the implications of being a woman in ministry – I am so thankful that God has placed me in a ministry that believes that women are an integral part in sharing Jesus to the world. I am gaining a foundation that is going to support me in the years to come. There will be some seasons where the opposition to what I am doing and what I believe God has called me to do is great – but I must remember this season and the support I am gaining that will project me into the next step.
What’s going on now
Currently, I am Program Coordinator to two programs being run – Street Bean Apprenticeship and Street Change. The Street Bean Apprenticeship is a 3-month internship in the coffee shop across the street. It’s a well-supported internship where youth can gain skills working in a café in addition to case management and other support during their time in the program. Street Change is an in-house vocational training program where two youth are currently working on facilities management. They are working with our facilities manager, and are supported in a similar way to those involved in the Street Bean apprenticeship.
Upcoming Opportunities
In addition to running the two programs, I am also on a coalition that is looking at the idea of Christian Community Development. We are asking ourselves the question – “Why are we doing what we are doing, and are we doing these things well?” We are re-evaluating everything that we do, seeing if what we are doing is really meeting the current needs of the youth we serve. This portion of my job is a lot of research, a lot of question-asking, and a lot of collaboration. While it means less direct time with the youth, it is an important task to take part in and I am grateful for the things that I am learning through this time of research.
In addition to all that is going on at New Horizons, I did also want to mention that I have the amazing opportunity to go to the Philippines for the week of March 4-11 with a small team from my church. I was invited to be a part of this vision-casting trip to work with a couple from our church that has relocated to Cebu to work for International Justice Mission, an organization fighting human trafficking on a global scale. I am honored to get the blessing of both my bosses to get time off for this trip, and I’m honored that I was asked to be a part of this team. I am looking forward to what I will learn and experience through God, especially with the new lens of New Horizons to look through.
Prayer Requests
Please continue to pray for the youth – that they would experience the love of Jesus in this space, and that there would be open doors for them to better their lives. Pray for the people that have yet to partner with us, that God would capture the hearts of the greater Seattle community and awaken them to the amazing people that we get to serve and live and breathe with at New Horizons every day. As for me, please pray for wisdom as I start looking at more opportunities as I move on from New Horizons in September, that I would be intentional about seeking God’s wisdom and path for me. Pray also for my ‘self-care’ time, that I would continue to seek places of rest and quiet in my own life, and as I continue to learn what boundaries look like with this type of work. Please also continue to pray for finances, that I would continue to raise the amount of money I need to continue working full time.
Thank you so very much for being a part of this story, this year, this season. It is an honor and privilege to serve and love and I couldn’t do it without your support. Thank you for freely sharing your money, your time, your meals, your love, your prayers, your friendship and your lives. The ways that I have received support from you all far surpasses the financial aspect. I am realizing that my broader community of support looks a lot like the community I am experiencing at New Horizons.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
All my love, Jess
Jesus deeply loves the children of Seattle.
The Gospel is this…
“The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us. Love without truth is sentimentality; it support and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.” – Tim Keller
That’s real love!
Camp.
Once upon a time, I was a sixth grader.
And I got to go to a camp called Winter Advance.
And there was a speaker, and his name was Ben Coffin.
And he talked about our lives as clay pots, broken and redeemed by Jesus, created by our Father for good things.
And it changed my life forever.
And this weekend, I get to go back with some of the most amazing 8th grade girls I know.
And this week, I’ve been listening to this song quite a lot…and it feels a little like ‘coming full circle’ if you catch my drift.
God is faithful.
Potter’s Wheel. Daniel Bashta.
Make me, shape me
into everything
that you want me to be
Make me, and shape me
into everything
that you want me to be
So place me on the potter’s wheel,
Spin me until
there’s nothing left but you in my life
‘Cause brokeness is what I want
to do a work here in my heart
So when you look at me
you see your reflection
So form me, come fashion me
into everything that you want me to be
So form me, come fashion me
into everything that you want me to be and more
Oh, you see your reflection
Oh, you see your reflection
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
It’s been a crazy week with two snows days, time away from work, a lot of time with housemates and a chance to catch my breath and just be. Keep praying for the young people out on the streets – for protection and provision as they brave the cold day in a day out.
If you think about it, pray for the students of Westminster – that we would all encounter God this weekend and hear what He has to tell us.
Peace and Love.
Great is Your Love
Who awakens souls that sleep
From dreams of empty things?
What steady hand holds restless men?
Brings forth from them a song to sing
Who is holy other than the
Other loves I’ve known?
That pure and faithful
Hands would hold me
Is a gentle miracle
Great is Your love
Unyielding and unchanged
Your relentless heart
Has captured mine today
Who has brought forth life from death
Whose voice is whispering?
Come back to me all You weary
You will surely sing
- autumn in repair
‘Invitation to Solitude and Silence’
“When we pull back the curtain on our fears and resistance, we are left with our desire— pure, naked, quivering desire—which is the surest guide for the spiritual quest. In the end the human soul will choose what it most wants. If we are brave enough to stay with this experience of wanting something we do not yet have, we discover that underneath all other desire is a desire for God, for love, for true belonging. Solitude then, is all about desire: it is about lovers desiring each other enough to finally take that leap into trust, intimacy, uninhibited expression. It is about friends saying ‘I want to be with you so badly that I’ll rearrange everything so that we can see each other’… To enter into solitude is to listen to our desire as it calls us deeper into the intimacy our hearts seek. It is to allow our desire- over time- to become concrete, focused, clear. What is your desire saying these days? Are you listening?”
This is an excerpt from Ruth Barton’s book, Invitation to Solitude and Silence. The idea of having more silence in my life has intrigued me for the past couple of months, although I must admit that my desire for solitude has been just that…a thought, a desire. And so when I read this in an email that a friend passed along, I decided to pick this book up.
How often do we have that desire for intimacy with God, to be in God’s presence – completely undone and bare – but instead we choose things in our life that just add more noise? Numbing our minds and hearts with tv, facebook, blogs (ha), shopping, reading, [fill in the blank]…yes, I would say that we can even hide behind our books about God instead of just being with God. I believe that oftentimes we do these things in response to our desire for intimacy with God. And our desire gets skewed – we get scared or lazy and decide that we’ll take the immediate gratification that temporarily fills whatever kind of desire we have to be known.
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Phil. 3:8
What are you doing with your time? What are you doing with your life? “What is your desire saying these days? Are you listening?”
I feel like now more than ever, there is so. much. noise in my life – some noise that I choose, other noise that I do not. And while I may talk about my desire to seek God in the silence, I need to actively pursue this. So…here’s to doing just that. I’ll keep you posted on other thoughts that arise out of reading this book.
Fundraising Update:
I also wanted to share a fundraising update for my position at New Horizons! Including pledges and cash, I have raised $5,600! In order to continue working full time, I need to raise a little over $8,000. God is faithful, and THANK YOU for being a part of it! Humbled, grateful and honored to be serving, and thank you for being part of my story.
Peace and Love.
The Word became Flesh.
This is what I am thinking about tonight. I think it’s so beautiful and awe-inspiring, and a mystery of sorts that I could ponder forever.
John 1:1-18
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.
9 The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. 11 He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. 12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. 15 (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”) 16 For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known.
I am going back to work tomorrow after a week of being away. SO excited to get back into the groove and see all of the people I have missed dearly. Looking forward to 2012 and all that it will hold.
Thank you all for the ways that you have supported me – I cannot say it enough. Your love, friendship, prayers, money and well-wishes have meant the world – thank you for being a part of my story.
Peace and Love!
What’s Your Lens?
Today at work, I worked on getting all of the photos and screen prints ready for display for those that are going to be shown at the Q Café this month. It was such a nice afternoon, just being able to work with my hands, and spend some time by myself in the quietness of the board room. It’s been a really busy week relationally. Every day at work has been packed with meeting, all of which involved staff friends or youth friends. I love people and I love that my work is to invest in others. But I’m also an introvert, and so I love and need time to myself in order to recharge. So when work is 8 solid hours of being with people, and then you go straight to other communities where there are more people, it gets a bit tiring by the end of the week when you find yourself in need of some down time. I have found that this gets tricky as I look for that sacred space and time. Sometimes that means saying no to things, sometimes that means dragging myself up out of bed early in the morning. So this week was an exceptionally intense week, but I was blessed with an afternoon to myself. Alright, I digress. Here is what I actually came here to say…
As I was preparing some of the photographs that some of the youth at New Horizons took around the city, I was truly humbled. Here I am, getting an up close and personal view of another’s perspective. I sat and stared intently into these photos, intrigued by what was captured. And then I began to wonder…
What does this photo mean to the person who took it? What kind of story is it telling, what part of his/her story is it telling? What was the inspiration? Because I can look at a photo and pick the parts that are important to me, probably based on what I naturally connect with, or what seems personal to me. But to the artist, or to another person – they can, and most likely do, have entirely different reactions.
It was just a little reminder, but a reminder nonetheless. We each look at life through a lens. So we perceive things differently, we interact with situations differently, and we view circumstances and relationships and events differently. Be gentle with one another. Care well for one another. Love one another. Cherish the pieces of people’s stories that you know. Listen. Be the student. Give people a chance. Sometimes we only think about the way we see something. If we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to see a part of life from another’s point of view, we may be missing out on something really beautiful that can change us for the better.
Crazy Love.
I FINALLY took the time to finish Crazy Love by Francis Chan last night. Here is an excerpt from last night’s reading that I woke up thinking about today…
“Sometimes I feel like when I make decisions that are remotely biblical, people who call themselves Christians are the first to criticize and say I’m crazy, that I’m taking the Bible too literally, or that I’m not thinking about my family’s well-being.
For example, when I returned from my first trip to Africa, I felt very strongly that we were to sell our house and move into something smaller, in order to give more away. The feedback I got was along the lines of ‘It’s not fair to your kids,’ ‘It’s not a prudent financial choice,’ and ‘You are doing it just for show.’ I do not remember a single person who encouraged me to explore it or supported the decision at the time.
We ended up moving into a house half the size of our previous home, and we haven’t regretted it. My response to the cynics, in the context of eternity, was, am I the crazy one for selling my house? Or are you for not giving more, serving more, being with your Creator more?
If one person ‘wastes’ away his day by spending hours connecting with God, and the other person believes he is too busy or has better things to do than worship the Creator and Sustainer, who is the crazy one? If one person invests her or his resources in the poor – which, according to Matthew 25, is giving to Jesus Himself – and the other extravagantly remodels a temporary dwelling that will not last beyond his few years left on this earth, who is the crazy one?
When people gladly sacrifice their time or comfort or home, it is obvious that they trust in the promises of God. Why is it that the story of someone who has actually done what Jesus commands resonates deeply with us, but we then assume we could never do anything so radical or intense? Or why do we call it radical when, to Jesus, it is simply the way it is? The way it should be?”
So, what are we conditioned to label as ‘crazy’? The questions I am asking myself today are…
What is the most important thing about life? What is the ultimate pursuit of my life? What is the reason for everything that I do? And, if I answer by saying that it’s my desire to pursue Jesus in everything, that it is all about knowing God and making Him known, where is my life reflecting this and where is it not?
Come Lord Jesus.
A little perspective is always good.
Tonight, as I get shelter from the wind, the cold, the rain, the dark, the danger…
I recall a brief, yet impactful conversation I had with a youth that was on the brink of getting into a housing program.
Do you know what he said was the thing he was most excited about in regards to having his own place? That when he takes a shower, he doesn’t have to scramble to put his clothes on right away while he’s still dripping wet. He doesn’t have to be hurried or rushed because there is someone waiting in line behind him for the next shower. He doesn’t have to get everything done in 15 minutes in a tiny stall. He can take his time, where his towel, dry completely, and be in his own space.
I think about the times that I’ve been on mission trips, or at camp, when it feels much like this – showers are fast and there are always so many people sharing the same tiny bathroom. You have to carry all of your belongings and toiletries to and from the bathroom – the whole routine is a bit awkward, if you think about it. But there is that day that you come home from your week-long adventure, and you step into your home – that familiar smell, that calm and safe feeling hugging your heart. You put your bag of dirty clothes in the laundry, and you get to take a shower – all on your own time, without another care.
It feels so good to do that after you’re missing it for a week. I can’t imagine what that feels like after missing it for years…or never knowing the feeling in the first place.
Tonight I’m thankful for space to be and people to be with. For lighting that is warm and inviting and not fluorescent. For my car that runs. For a phone to call people I love, for a computer to type this very page. For a roommate to laugh and cry with, and the delight of drifting to sleep and the ability to anticipate everything I am looking forward to in tomorrow.
Good night, Friends.
